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Freedom From Blame

Do you ever act contrary to your values? The cause is blame. See if any of these statements are true for you. If you can’t find any, ask your spouse, kids, employees/boss or friends for help. ;) 

The Process of Blame: 
1. You are aware of your shortcomings but do not increase your self-acceptance. You might think, "I will accept myself only when I change.”
2. You are self-critical because you see the mistakes you make that result from your shortcomings. This might begin as motivation but ends up creating suffering and exhaustion.
3. Eventually, you seek relief from "beating yourself up” by avoiding seeing your shortcomings, especially new ones or ones you particularly judge as bad. (The "plan to improve” is tabled)
4. You don’t see all the ways your mistakes contribute to your difficulties.
5. However, you are good at seeing the shortcomings and mistakes of others.
6. Your problems are the fault of circumstances and others’ mistakes. (You don’t logically think this is true but your tone always gives you away.)
7. You search for other people’s shortcomings and assume that many of your difficulties (including work and society's difficulties) are caused by their shortcomings. 
8. When you identify the mistakes of others you stop any inward investigation before you discover what you did to cause the problem. 
9. You are hard on people because they make mistakes.
10. You have the logical intellectual belief of "I know that I am responsible for how I live my life and I am responsible for my problems” but you create FEELINGS that enable you to feel that OTHERS are to blame. You use feelings like anger or disgust to avoid seeing where your shortcomings cause your difficulties.
11. You surrender your happiness in the here and now moment in an attempt to show that others are the cause of your problems. You get mad, sad, or hurt to pressure them.
12. You frequently overlook how good this moment is and start concentrating on the future you do NOT want. 
13. You hold a negative vision of the future and then combine that vision with feelings of fear disguised as "planning" or "figuring out" but really you are just worrying.
14. You enroll others in your vision of worry by talking negatively to people who are not in a position to change the situation.
15. You strengthen the illusion that other people’s mistakes are the cause of your problems by what you say and who you listen to.
16. You try to get others to improve but really you are just taking on their problems as your own. "I can’t be happy until he/she changes.”
17. You assume that others have a negative motive. 
18. You feel that you are either getting something that you do not deserve or that you need to pressure others in order to make sure you get what you do deserve. 
19. You withdraw your power to influence those you blame with statements like, "It’s impossible to get him/her to change,” and "They just won’t listen to me.”
20. You avoid doing things that would influence a change but you create the feeling you are doing something by talking (or listening) about the problem with people who are not the ones who could change it.
21. You put your energy into pressuring or complaining, not influencing, others.
22 Your relationships are strained because "they” don’t improve.
23. You attempt to solve problems by separation; such as, "I get a divorce. I quit. I fire them or get myself fired. I leave. I have an affair. I break up.”
24. You blame things. For example, you feel angry when your pen runs out of ink creating the feeling that the pen caused you to be unhappy when really, you were already unhappy.
25. You blame yourself but without accepting the responsibility that would create a different future.
26. You see responsibility as something to be avoided or responsibility as a burden in the areas of your life that are not working well.
27. You think that you have to find just the right person, or just the right job, or just the right place to live, or just the right etc….

The Freedom To Be course will teach you how to escape from the process of blame. Enroll here: http://www.yourinfinitelifeonline.com/enroll.php

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